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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inner Strength

From January 19, 2009

Have you ever had an overwhelming feeling of…it’s hard to explain. I recently had this feeling come over me that made me feel at ease. It’s this feeling, almost leaving my breathless, that spread through my body making me feel like everything is going to be okay. And it is. I haven’t been worrying about too much lately.At least stuff that I can’t control.So far this year things have turned out great. I’ve been hanging out more with my friends, rekindling friendships with old friends, and I feel like my life,for the first time in a long time, is genuinely satisfying. It’s hard to explain, but things that aren’t even within my reach are actually obtainable. I feel limitless.

Nothing new has really happened in the last week or so to make me feel this way, but I have had this indescribable feeling a few times now. As I sit here at work it just rushes through me. It’s like a second wind for chances. For change. Just when I felt tired and ready to give up,a new feeling entered that makes me really want to push for the things that I want. In the last few weeks, I have strengthened friendships, pushed aside the feels of negativity in my life, and I’m making as low crawl out from under the social rock that I was hiding under. It seems that each weekend I get less and less sleep! And friends, you know me without sleep. =P

I guess one of the grasp of one of the biggest things bothering me is loosening up. With everyday that I surround myself with the people that I love, the clutches of my past relationship eases up a bit more. It’s a refreshing feeling. I’m finally letting myself go and realizing that I did make the right decision. Feelings of doubt still creep inside, but I can’t let them overrun my life and make me second-guess one of the hardest decisions I had ever made in my 22 years of existence (at the time).

I have been drowned by friends and family in the last couple weeks and being around these people give me a completely new outlook. I am glad to have a social life. I am glad that I am so close to my parents. I’ve been counting my blessings lately. I am so lucky and I never realized it.

Everything’s going to be just fine. While I haven’t experienced this lately, the saying is so true: It is darkest just before the dawn.

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