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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Soul Meets Body

Wow. I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve put thoughts down into writing, when it’s really only been a week. I feel like so much has happened, when in actuality, I don’t really think anything pertinent has. So an update on things since the New Year:

I’m slowly getting my tax stuff together which is all exciting in and of its self. Money for vacay, pay off a card or two, throw some mom’s way. I hate owing money and while in retrospect, my debt isn’t NEARLY as harsh as some people’s, it’s more than I can afford at one time. And I don’t like that. So plan one of the New Year is slowly coming into fruition. Since cutting up my cards, I’ve spent maybe $38 and put down a little over $200 on my ballparked $3,000 worth of debt. It’s a slow start, but I think I have it under control. Now, I need to get better at unnecessary spending. That’s the next task on the “Road to Frugality” list. And to help me do that: mint.com. It’s an INCREDIBLE website. I recommend everyone to check it out!!

In my quest to better myself, I have become more of a social butterfly than I have been. And sadly, this has coincided with spending too much money! =P I have gone out almost every weekend to spend much needed time with friends and people I care about and as tired as I feel come Sunday (due to lack of sleep), I’m pretty sure I’m doing what’s best for me. I’m loving the time I spend with my people. My friends are awesome and I love them!

I’m noticing more and more that I’m referring to Keith as “dad” without really thinking about it. As much as it saddens me because I feel like I am abandoning my father in a way, I feel so much more love from Keith. I confused a friend this weekend as I went into my long and very complicated history of how Keith grafted into our family. I was calling him dad. Then I started talking about living with my dad in Augusta. Seeing that this is becoming a small problem, what do I refer to my father as in normal conversation? I haven’t spoken to him since that email (which I don’t regret) and I guess that void, that “daddy/abandonment issue” that I had for so many years and slowly being filled with Keith…with Dad.

One of most pertinent emotion issues I struggled with last year is becoming less and less of an issue. My relationship issue. When I see pictures, I don’t cry anymore. When I think of him, I do hope he is doing well. It does break my heart that I haven’t heard from him, that two years can be thrown away, but it’s for the best. And I know that now. And I have so many people that are around me to help me get through it. And ironically, one of the most depressing break-up songs just started playing. “Somebody More Like You” by Nickel Creek. Google it. Is it wrong that I just laughed a little?

At least work is looking a bit better. I deleted my email account off of my phone and I refuse to “take it home” with me anymore. I don’t worry about it on the weekends, at night. I guess that’s what’s helped me cut loose, so to speak. I don’t feel tied down anymore and that’s always a good thing. Hell, I’m not paid to be worried about stuff on the weekend. Why was I making work my life?! I do still work small overtime hours, but I truly can’t help it. I have never been/will never be that employee that leaves as soon as 5 comes around (school nights don’t count). I will get things done that I’m working on because I do like my job. Now…if I can only get a raise.

All-in-all, I guess things are looking better. This weekend I plan on taking the advice of a dear friend of mine and start de-cluttering my life. I have boxes and boxes of stuff that I could/should do without and I want to start getting back into that “fitting everything in a truck” mentality. I miss that. We’ll see how that goes.

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