Thursday, September 23, 2010
Live and Learn
I came across another blog that I had way back when and as I was re-reading some of my ramblings, I realized just how far I have come. I mean really. I was a confused mess back then. Some of what I had written could have sounded suicidal to some people. I was angry and lost. Which makes a lot of sense. I wasn't connected to church like I am now. I wasn't connected to my family (I thought I knew everything). Come to think of it, it's like this person is not me at all.
I try to think back to that time period in my life and I remember being miserable. So unhappy. But I blamed it on everyone. It wasn't my fault I wasn't happy, it was everyone around me. I left after three semesters due to some indiscretions that I had committed. Of course, it wasn't my fault. They were making me leave.
Man, I was so misguided at that time.
It's really like looking at a complete stranger. I think of my life now and can't believe that this person was once me. I have come so far. I can't imagine not being the generally up beat and happy person that I think I am. I can't imagine being someone different. Even before I started coming back to church, I wasn't angry. It's just crazy the things that I have over come. The person that I am today came out of all of that.
With all of this profound self-searching, I guess, I've really been thinking about what my life has in store for me. I don't feel like I am confused about most of my life, just the "who do I want to be" part. It's made me think about going back out to BYU. I started my college career there. I think I want to finish there. I also think I really need to pray for some guidance.