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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Live and Learn

So this is me 6 1/2 years ago.  Six and a half years ago I was 18 years old, about to leave BYU after a year, and completely confused about life. 

I came across another blog that I had way back when and as I was re-reading some of my ramblings, I realized just how far I have come.  I mean really.  I was a confused mess back then.  Some of what I had written could have sounded suicidal to some people.  I was angry and lost.  Which makes a lot of sense.  I wasn't connected to church like I am now.  I wasn't connected to my family (I thought I knew everything).  Come to think of it, it's like this person is not me at all.

I try to think back to that time period in my life and I remember being miserable.  So unhappy.  But I blamed it on everyone.  It wasn't my fault I wasn't happy, it was everyone around me.  I left after three semesters due to some indiscretions that I had committed.  Of course, it wasn't my fault.  They were making me leave. 

Man, I was so misguided at that time.

It's really like looking at a complete stranger.  I think of my life now and can't believe that this person was once me.  I have come so far.  I can't imagine not being the generally up beat and happy person that I think I am.  I can't imagine being someone different.  Even before I started coming back to church, I wasn't angry.  It's just crazy the things that I have over come.  The person that I am today came out of all of that.

With all of this profound self-searching, I guess, I've really been thinking about what my life has in store for me.  I don't feel like I am confused about most of my life, just the "who do I want to be" part.  It's made me think about going back out to BYU.  I started my college career there.  I think I want to finish there.  I also think I really need to pray for some guidance. 

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