I went to bed last night feeling really bogged down. The wedding plans have been pretty smooth sailing, but there have been several bumps on the way with Michael's parents. Amy has been extremely helpful with negotiations on the house, but we're really stressing over the down payment and our current lack of funds. Spring semester is coming to a close which makes this next week finals time. All of this is quickly adding up and causing me to buckle. I held it together pretty well yesterday, but after I got home and was able to sit to myself, I broke.
I've always had faith that through sacrifice and prayer, Heavenly Father would provide. He might not provide in the way that I want, but I know He will always come through. Lately, that faith has grown. I think this is due to the frequent temple visits I've had lately and as I've begun reading The Holy Temple by Boyd K. Packard. Both Michael and I got the book to help us prepare for our big day. The more I read, the less I want to put it down. Everything makes so much sense to me. It's funny that a year ago, when my parents were sealed, I knew I wasn't ready to go through and be sealed to them. My bishop knew it too. But I know I have grown so much in the last year, that I am completely excited about going! Everyone keeps saying that three months is too short of a time to prepare for a wedding. I disagree. I'm on pins and needles for this day to come that it is going by way too slow. In all of the stress lately, reading that book and thinking about the promises that are waiting for both of us is my saving grace. It's my release.
Wedding plans seem to be so easy. I think it's because for my mom and I, when we get into planning mode, we're like a freight train. We just keep on going. I know what I want and my mom knows how to put it together. I have included Michael in every step along the way. I have never been "bride-zilla." If he's happy that I'm happy, that's all that should matter. Right? I guess it's hard for me to understand how his parents can't understand that the plans we are making are the plans that we want for the wedding. I understand if they feel left out in the planning process, but they have had two daughters get married before. My mom has not. This is our time. I'm not bride-zilla, but I just might turn into it on this subject. Again, my mom and I are a freight train. This usually means that we don't consult other people (other than Michael). But it's what we want. I really hope they can come to terms with this and just understand. Michael is in the middle of all of it and I hate that for him. I don't want him to be at odds with his parents, but that's what happening. Now this next statement may sound cold-hearted, but in the end, I don't care if they're pissed. I'm marrying my best friend and the man that I love with all of my heart. The day that we stand up there and say "I do" will be the happiest day of our lives. I don't care who's in the way, but no one will be able to take that moment from us.
Negotiations on the house are...going. Amy has been such a blessing in getting everything together to help us close. Especially now that we're negotiating on the price. The asking price is $89.9 K. We asked for $87 K and 6% of the closing cost. The broker shot us down on the 6% and said they would cover 3%, but didn't say anything about our price. Then last night, they counter-offered with a flat $89 K. Kind of a slap in the face to me. Amy was pretty pissed. But we stood our ground with the $87 K. She also included that I had been living in this neighborhood since 1996 and I know the values of the homes that are vacant. I guess that changed his mind because the broker came back and said that the bank would probably do $87 K. I'm sure we could have gone lower, but I don't want it to kick us in the butt. I really want this house and so does Michael. But the next step is coming up with a down payment in a little less than two months. This means the tightest budget possible. I'm really worried that when it comes down to crunch time, we won't have enough and we'll have invested two months into a house that we lost. Then where are we? With the current market, we can buy a house with payments less than what we can rent for. But if we are forced to rent, we will be throwing away that money and will barely be able to save any. I'm really hoping that our prayers are being heard. I'm not asking for money to fall from the sky. I'm just asking that everything work out the way it's supposed to and I be okay with it.
In all of the stresses that I've been encountering lately, I have to remember to count my blessings. To be thankful for the amazing things that are in my life. I have an incredible fiance who is such an amazing man. I'm so blessed that we found each other. I have such a remarkable family. My mom has been an incredible example of the wife and mother that I want to be. My step-dad is the man that I can look up to and will always be there. My brother and sister are my best friends and I love the grown-ups that they have become. I have outstanding friends that I know will be in my life forever. I can't thank Heavenly Father enough for the blessings that I have. I feel luck one of the lucky ones.