Our Adoption.com Profile

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Don't Be That Guy: The Road Version

A friend once told me that the law of the land is the easiest that we can obey.  Specifically, rules of the road: speeding, red lights, stop signs, jaywalking...blah blah blah.  All the crap that we learn as we go through driver's ed to get our license {except maybe the jaywalking part}.  There are certain rules of the road that I like to follow, mainly because I feel like they are just basic things we can do to be decent human beings.  Obeying these rules is simple.  They may not be a matter of life or death {okay, in some cases it could be}, but we're all trying from point A to point B.  Let's try to make it a little safer by doing what's right. 

So, I've come up with a list of don't be that guy: the road version.  I'm sure all of you are familiar with the term "don't be that guy."  It's basically the person that does something completely douchebag-ish and no one wants to be.  Here is my list.

Don't be that guys #1 ~ The Speeder.  I'm not saying I don't speed.  I can speed.  I have.  But perhaps my racked up speeding tickets is why I don't so much anymore.  I generally maintain a 5 mph overage on most roads.  Sure, there are some roads that I may push it because I know I can get away with it.  But overall I go 5 mph over the speed limit.  I was once told that this is a buffer and you won't get pulled over for it.  I haven't tried to test this out in front of cop.  If there is a cop, I usually slow down to about 3 mph over.  With my luck, a KSU cop will pull me over one day because I'm going 3 mph over.  Now, this doesn't generally make me nearly as crazy as the following two on my list, unless of course it leads to number two, which is...

Don't be that guy #2 ~ The Hemorrhoid.  I know many, many of you have experienced this guy.  This is the guy that no matter how fast you go he is always on your butt.  Not cool.  In my opinion, and I believe it is also the opinion of the GA Department of Motor Vehicles, you're too close if you can't see the road in front of you...or something.  {That may just when you're idling at a light.}  Don't quote me on that.  But I do know that if I look in my rear view mirror and I can't see your front headlights, I'm slamming on my breaks.  In the end, it's not my problem.  It's your insurance company's.  This particular infraction drives me crazy.  Not even kidding, it gets me at my core.  So much to where I want to turn around and shoot you with a shot gun.  Unfortunately, I don't carry one.  I don't even have one.  Word to the wise: if you see a blue Chevy Aveo...don't be a hemorrhoid.  Seriously, it's obnoxious even more.  Especially if we're on a two-lane road and I control the speed in which we're going.  So if you're really in that much of a hurry, back off and let me go my 5 mph over the speed limit and we'll get to point B a lot quicker than if you try to push me.

Don't be that guy #3 ~ The Weaver.  This is the person that has to be in the fast lane everywhere. they. go.  If it's a four-lane road and one side is going just a little bit faster, they zip on over.  Now, not saying that this is entirely a bad thing, but when a) there is no blinker involved and b) you cut me off, that is when I want to stab you in the jugular.  Not kidding.  {I'm really not this violent, honest!}  It's frustrating driving down the road and out of nowhere some ass-hat decides they're going to whip in front of you because you're lane is going just a little faster.  Guess what.  You're journey is not more important than mine.  Okay, it could be if you're a brain surgeon on your way to surgery.  I could understand that.  But in the end, it's the same as the hemorrhoid.  We're all going to get to point B.  This leads into...

Don't be that guy #4 ~ The Invader aka Bubble Popper.  Yes, funny name, but this is why.  Much like our bodies, I believe that we have bubbles {or personal space} around our cars.  I'm not entirely sure of the distance, but there is a rule to maintain a certain distance behind a car for every 10 mph you are traveling.  The Hemorrhoid is guilty of this, as can be the Weaver.  This is for safety reasons.  Think about it, if there's an accident and the person in front of me decides to slam on their breaks, there is a less of a chance that I will rear end them as I will have plenty of room to break and/or move out of the way.  Trust me, I've done this.  It's not fun.  By maintaining a safe distance behind someone, you decrease the chance of rear-ending the car in front of you and causing a huge headache where you have to wait for 2 hours for the cops to arrive to get a ticket for following too closely and then you have to call a tow truck to take you car to a shop and so on...Moral of the story: don't be an Invader.

Lastly Don't be that guy #5 ~ The Hanger.  I'm sure you have all experienced this, but for any of you have been to Kennesaw, GA there is one particular intersection that this happens at. all. the. time.  The light turns green and then yellow and while it's yellow about 5 cars think they can make it through.  And they get stuck in the intersection blocking traffic.  What a pain in my keester.  This is just ridiculous and unthoughtful and moronic and lots of other words I can't think of right now.  I get it, you have to get to point B so much faster than everyone else.  You're on your way to find a cure for cancer.  But don't be the cause of a massive city-wide headache because in the end, you're being a douche.

Welp, that about wraps it up.  Did we learn something today?  {Other than the fact that I can get pretty bad road rage?}  Feel free to share any of your hatreds of behavior on the road!  I'd like to see if I'm the only one, which I doubt I am.

8 comments:

  1. I'm not much given to road rage, but I can get annoyed with those hemorrhoid types, mostly because I deal with them just about every day. We live off a 2 lane state highway, and somebody is *always* in a big hurry to get to point B. Yep, annoying for sure.

    Also, while I'm fine taking a reasonable amount of time to move from A to B, I don't really want to spend my life doing it, so I'm more annoyed with slowsters than speedsters. My dad had this theory that the slowest drivers were men driving with hats on their head (typically older drivers), so I grew up annoyed with the "hat-ons", or, the folks who were out of costume but still poking along, "hat on without their hat on". I still say that to this day when I'm stuck behind a slow-poke.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh the slow poke! Haha! I didn't really think about THAT guy because it doesn't bother me...most of the time. But my husband can't STAND it. I feel that if you're at least going the speed limit, I'll let you pass. Thanks for reading and your input!! Ü

      Delete
  2. Well, this was enlightening.

    I've been driving more than 45 years. The first thing I learned was to give dangerous people lots of room so that I wouldn't get hurt. That's because whose insurance pays matters less than it matters if it's my neck that gets broken when I get rear-ended from slamming on the brakes to intentionally cause an accident. (I guess that would be to teach other person a well-deserved lesson, huh?)

    So... thanks for the heads up and you can be sure that we'll never run into each other in Kennesaw -- literally or figuratively! I'll be giving you a wide berth!

    Good luck -- and I hope you never need it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, in all reality I wouldn't slam on my brakes. Maybe because I know in my subconscious it's not a smart idea. {That seems to be where my common sense lies.} Thanks for reading and your input!!

      Delete
    2. :) and I do hope you never are involved in a car accident -- I've worked with a lot of people who have have had accidents and they can be in pain for the rest of their lives. I think I'm a little over-sensitive about giving the other guy plenty of room just because if you get hurt, it really didn't matter that you had the right of way. Be safe ;D

      Delete
    3. I've been in one bad accident and that was when I rear-ended someone...going 5 mph. :( It wasn't much but it was enough to hurt. I had shoulder problems for a few months. Not to mention, the deductible wasn't cheap and it's just such a headache. That's why I get so irritated when people ride so close. They don't realize that if an animal or something darts in front and I slam on my breaks, they will probably nail me.

      Delete
  3. I hate the hemorrhoid because I am so sure that someday they will slam into the back of my car where my beyond precious three girls are. Then I will get out of the car and pummel the turd to death.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope for your girls' sake, you don't pummel anyone. But if you do, I could build a psyc defense for you and my brother can defend you. Ü

      Delete

Our Adoption Journey Facebook Page