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Monday, December 31, 2012

You put your arms around me and I'm home...

Happy End of the Year.

I've neglected my blog the last couple months other than my tribute to a dear friend.  I really can't explain why other than I've been doing lots of thinking.  This year has had a lot of incredible moments for me.  This year has also had a lot of heartbreaking moments as well.  Life does move on.  And the bottom does get better.  But that's not what I want to write about...

I celebrated my one year anniversary this year with my best and forever-long friend.  We added an additional furry child to the house and things just haven't been the same {mostly for Jo}.  Michael went to Walt Disney World for the first time.  We decided we would start trying to start a family.  {Yeah, that's a big one!}  We lost several wonderful friends and family.  My journey this year is no different than many.  There's no reason to be praised for making it through another year because I know that there are others who had much harder trials.

In thinking over the last year, I know what my most difficult trial has been.  And while sitting in sacrament meeting yesterday, it seemed that all the talks hit home.  My biggest struggle this year has been making the move to attend another ward.  For those readers that aren't Mormons, a ward {or branch} in our church is like a school district.  We are zoned to attend a certain building much like kids at school.  Since buying our house last year we should have been going to another ward in another stake even.  But after some difficult times feeling like we were part of the ward, we made the decision to keep attending my old ward with my parents.  We live right in the middle of the two so it's not as if we were traveling much out of the way.  We did what we could to get our membership records transferred back to the old ward, but it just wasn't meant to be.  And it has been a very hard decision for us to accept.

Let me start by saying that since being back in my old ward, I have grown.  I have changed in ways that I didn't realize was possible.  Maybe coming back was what I needed to realize I have to move on.  Before I would use my mother as a crutch.  I would stay by her side, always sitting with her.  Now, whenever there are Sundays she's out of town I sit with people I never imagined befriending like I have.  I've made some amazing friendships and I know that part of my fear of moving on is losing these amazing women.  These are people that made me so much stronger.

I know it's time for us to go where we are supposed to.  And I know that I still have a lot of growing and changing to be able to open up to the people we feel may have wronged us.  But I'd like to believe that there is a reason for everything.  I don't think chance is involved in my life very much.  If transferring our records was denied, I'd like to hope that it's because we are needed there.  I've been given so many wonderful words of encouragement from the ladies that I have worked with very closely this past month that have made this decision both harder and easier.  I just only hope that I can make something different.

I may not be able to move mountains, but I can sure move a boulder or two.

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