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Wednesday, April 24, 2013

I write...because I don't want to write...

I have 22 days until I graduate.  That means I have nine days until I turn in the last paper I will do as an undergrad.  And instead of working on that...I'm blogging.  My professor has been saying all semester not to wait until the last minute.  I should have listened to her because with all of the craziness and stressful time at work, I have lost all motivation to work on this paper and get the presentation together {which I present on Friday, by the way.  Yeah...this Friday.}  I wanted to give an update since my last infertility blow.  I haven't done the research on infertility that I have wanted to.  No, really.  I do want to look into it.  I'm really interested to know how many people are affected by it.  It's like the dirt under the rug that no one likes to talk about, but I'm finding more and more people struggle with it.  But on the other side, it does seem like I'm seeing more pregnancy announcements lately.  {About three more since the last post.}  Don't get me wrong, I am totally thrilled for those friends.  It's amazing.  But I'm also extremely jealous.  I can't deny that.

Anyway, I started Clomid on Tuesday, yesterday.  I was extremely apprehensive about it, and I really didn't want to give myself false symptoms because it was so worked up in my mind.  Yesterday wasn't bad.  Today, however, is a different story.  Since about one this afternoon I really have felt like I have had no drive.  And I want to sleep.  I mean, a lot.  Even now my entire body is saying it needs to feel my sheets wrap around me, but my brain is saying nope...you procrastinated and now you have to pay.  Just. my. luck.  I also snapped at one of our district managers today.  In my defense, he was being a royal jackass, so he had it coming.  I just happened to be in snippy mood at the same time.  Oh well...it's won't be the last time.  =P

So three more days of Clomid and then we shall see.  I have another blood draw scheduled on the 9th to test my hormone levels.  Luckily, my insurance paid for it last time! *score*  They didn't pay for the Clomid though.  :(

Until next time...

6 comments:

  1. I feel your pain. I just want this whole semester behind me but to get there I have to actually do something to finish the stupid work.

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  2. I'm sorry :(. I wish you didn't have to go through this. Have you connected with anyone else having fertility issues? I like thebump.com, and I know there is a very well-established community of fertility warriors/those trying to conceive. After that paper has been turned in, if you haven't already, you might want to check with one of those groups. It's nice to have someone to vent to who understands what you're going through. You're always welcome to send a vent my way, as well, but I completely understand how hard that could be under the circumstances. Sending hugs your way!

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    1. Thanks for the info, Krya. I haven't really connected with any groups because I have squeamish feelings about all the positivity talk. Sometimes I just want to be angry and I don't want people to tell me it will happen. I get that they've been through/going through it...but I dunno. Hard to explain. I have a good friend who is trying also and she's having some difficulty as well, so she's been a really good shoulder to lean on. I just don't think I'm ready to be in a group/discussion with a bunch of people going through the same thing.

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  3. Good luck with the clomid! I was going to start it the week I found out I was pregnant. So I Know how annoying all the blood work can be. After I found out I was pregnant I had to have a bunch done also to make sure my levels were high enough to maintain a pregnancy. Thank heavens they were, I feel like this is a miracle baby. I pray you get one soon too! I know the waiting sucks I wanted to punch everyone in the face that was complaining about morning sickness and their pregnancy woes, when I just wanted to be pregnant. All of my friends were just announcing their pregnancy's when I was starting to talk to the doctor about options. Which is the same thing that happened when I had a miscarriage two years ago. You are going to make a great mom! And congrats on graduating that is amazing! Wish I had finished college.

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    1. Wow, Jen. I had no idea. I'll be honest, I saw your announcement {which was TOTALLY cute!} and kind of cringed. But I am SO happy for you guys. Can't imagine three girls though! Hahaha!! I'm really trying to not stress and stay positive. Sometimes I just do want to scream though. And punching people sounds fun too. Ü Don't worry, I won't punch you since I know you're kind of part of my club. ;-)

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