Truth.

This is my story.  Women of all walks of life have their own battles.  I know women who got pregnant on the first try and had wonderful pregnancies giving birth to beautiful, happy babies.  I also know women who struggled like hell with the reality that they may never get pregnant.  I know women, amazing, strong women who had miscarriages and heart breaks at the thought that pregnancy would never happen to them.  I know women who suffered with the pain that came from breast feeding because their bodies just did not want to work the way that they are "supposed" to.  I will never judge those that are ahead of me in their reproductive stages.  I will always look up to these women, to these beautiful friends of mine, with such admiration and love.  Everyone has their own battles.  This is mine.  Continue to read as you will, but do not judge mine.

I have always understood that carrying a child to full term would be difficult.  When I was a sophomore in high school my doctor told me that because of my blood type, there would be complications.  So since then, my mom always told me to remember that.  The knowledge that there may be complications has never changed my desire to have children.  Recently, I began looking up this possible problem.  Everyone has a blood type: A, B, AB, or O.  I have type-B blood.  In addition to the A and B antigens, there is a third antigen.  The Rhesus or Rh factor.  This is what makes blood types negative or positive.  I have a negative Rh factor, thus making my blood type B-.  It is the second rarest blood type.  Right now, the unknown factor is Michael's blood.  If Michael's blood type is positive, this could lead to problems.  More than likely, the baby will then have positive blood.  In a nutshell, I could develop antibodies to the Rh-positive baby and if our blood mixes at all, I could develop allergic reactions.  My blood could attack the baby's blood and cause horrible problems.  I won't go into much more detail.  If you want to read more, the link above provides more information.

This isn't an uncommon problem.  Many women have gone through it and many babies have been born just fine.  And until we really know what Michael's blood type is, I feel I should not worry.  But it's something I may have to face.

Truth time.  Michael and I have been trying to get pregnant since September.  So I went off of birth control and we decided to expand our family.  Well, I'm not one of those lucky gals that gets it on the first time.  Or the second.  Or the third.  Or even the seventh.  Sure, they say to try a year and if it doesn't happen in the first year, then consult help.  Statistics show (and I'm working to find a verifiable source other than the doctor and random websites I've found this on) that 80-85% of couples trying to conceive do so in the first year.  This percentage drops when the woman is over 30.  I'm turning 28 this year.  Imagine my reluctance to wait an entire year of trying to get pregnant knowing that my biological clocks is beating like a drum as 30 becomes nearer.  I do not discount the people that have had children in their 30s and even 40s.  But it's just not my plan.  I'm not saying that it won't happen, but it's not ideal for me.

So after six months of trying, I decided to make sure everything was working the way that it should.  I had to give a blood sample last Friday to test my hormones.  I didn't think about the results all week, mostly because my mind has been on school and work.  While sitting in class on Friday, a number flashed on my phone.  I kept thinking, oh it's probably a wrong number.  I let it go to voice mail.  On my way out of class, I listened to the voice mail.  "Hello, Nubia.  This is the nurse calling from Dr. ______'s office.  He wanted me to give you a call and, um, if you could just give us a call back.  We will be back in the office on Monday.  Thank you."  First off, never call and leave a voice mail like that when someone is waiting for test results.  It's vague and it makes the mind wonder.  Second, wait until Monday.  A weekend of waiting is brutal.  I called the number back right away.  The call staff answered.  The office wasn't closed yet, just at lunch until 1:30.  I set a reminder on my phone (thank you, Siri) to call back promptly at 1:30.  When the reminder came and I made the call, the nurse wasn't to be found.  Awesome.  More waiting.  30 minutes later, I got a call back. 

Turns out my hormones are too low to conceive on my own.  Basically, ovulating hasn't been happening like we thought.  I feel like this is strike two.  I have an appointment with the doctor to start on Clomid which will assist in ovulation.  We don't know what will happen after that.  This is just another test.  A bump in the road. 

I realize that my struggles may not compare to those that have more difficult ones, but they are mine.  I also know that things happen for a reason.  And I have to trust that Heavenly Father knows what he's doing.  I've always wanted to adopt children while also having our own.  I think adoption is an amazing way to give a child the love that they deserve and may have never had.  I think I'm prepared for that, if it comes down to it.  In reality, I don't know what the future holds.  I don't know if we'll have problems conceiving after starting Clomid.  I don't know if we'll have problems with the Rh-factor if/when we do.  I just don't know.  But I try to prepare myself for the worst because I don't want it to blindside me.  I want to be prepared.  Because then, if/when the miracle happens, I'll be able to love and thank Heavenly Father that much more.  I trust his timing.  That doesn't mean I have to like it.

I have been holding off on posting this for awhile.  Well, holding off on announcing our decision to expand our little family beyond furry babies.  I get slightly down every time I see another birth announcement.  But then I remind myself, I don't know their situation.  I don't know their struggle.  I need to be happy for those people that have chosen to bring another one of God's miracles into the world.  And I am.  I really am.  I am so happy for all of my amazing friends.  They give me strength.  And hope.  And in the meantime, we'll just love on our furry babies that much more and enjoy being the four of us a little longer.