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Monday, June 10, 2013

Round 2

This was my second month on Clomid and emotions ran pretty high.  I have my third blood draw on Thursday, so keep your fingers crossed!  Taking Clomid during the work week hasn't really been a problem.  I guess I keep myself so busy that I don't even think about the stuff that's going on with me.  I guess that's a good thing.  Keeps my mind off it all.  But then the weekends really suck.  Saturday was the fifth day on it so I knew {after last month} that I needed to stay busy and most importantly...around other people!  Luckily, my adorable little nephew was in town so that wasn't too hard.  Saturday went off without a hitch.  

Sunday was a different story.  I woke up with this doom-and-gloom sort of feeling.  All morning things just felt bad.  I took a shower, did my hair for church...and then cried.  I couldn't stop crying.  Michael was already downstairs handling the dogs so I texted him and said I didn't want to go to church.  He came upstairs and just laid with me, holding me tight.  I just kept thinking that I was such a failure.  I kept thinking, why is this happening to me?  Michael called in to stay home with me and I realized later as we were at my mom's that Satan must have been working pretty hard on me for me to start thinking I was a failure.  It was such a low moment.  I kick myself because I know better.  I mean, I really KNOW better.  I'm not a failure. It's just a trial that we have to experience to make it that much better.  

I don't know how long we're going to keep trying this.  But we've already said that if there's no baby by July, our Ireland trip is on.  I guess that's our silver lining.  Then we'll look into other options.  But for now, I'm just trying to remember that what ever happens is meant to be.

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