Ireland Bound!

Can I just say how absolutely ecstatic I am to be planning this trip?  It's funny how a little inspiration {from a college professor} and a different attitude can completely change one's perception.  At the beginning of the summer we kept saying, "Okay, if we're not pregnant by July, we'll go to Ireland."  Eventually, that feeling changed into, "Well, we can't have kids yet so I guess we should go."  And then it ended with, "Maybe this is a sign we just shouldn't have kids."  Of course, this was all on my side.  Michael has been wanting this from the beginning and the kid thing.  I just kept looking at this trip as a bad omen.  Then, after talking to one of my favorite professors about kids and the trip, I went to Michael and said, "Let's do it!  Why not?!" 

So here we are...47 days from take off.  Yes, I have a countdown on my calendar at work.  :)  I was a little nervous yesterday because I have had no idea as to where my passport has been since we moved into the house.  I knew it was in a 6x9 envelope and I swore it was somewhere in the never-been-organized office upstairs.  Then I realized...crap, where's my birth certificate?!  Even if I did get a new passport, I'd need my birth certificate.  Serious panic set in.  I decided to go ahead and order a new one online.  Then I got to the last screen...10-15 business days.  2 to 3 weeks?!  We're about 6 1/2 weeks out.  There would be a fat chance I'd get it in time.  I ended up coming home at lunch to scour the never-been-organized office.  I was that distraught over it.  I picked up lunch first.  We sat down, I gave a blessing on the food and mentioned being thankful to be able to spend the afternoon together.  After our 'amens', Michael halfheartedly goes, "You mean our afternoon looking for your passport?"  I added to my prayer, "...and please help guide us to find my passport."  We both laughed.  I honestly wasn't thinking anything of it.  About an hour later I had this feeling to check a stack of papers I knew were in the garage.  No luck there.  As we were walking back into the house, Michael pointed to a black file box and asked, "What about in there?"  I said, "I doubt I put it in there, but I guess we can look."  Sure enough, the third thing stacked in the box was a 6x9 manila envelope with my old passport, my current passport, immunization records, and my birth certificate.  I know it may have been something small, but I fully believe it was an answer to our prayer.  Now we just have to get Michael's.  I'm almost done with the planning.  I'll definitely post where we'll be going/staying/seeing, etc.  I seriously can't wait to go.  I wish I could spend a summer like in Italy, but sadly...we both have to work to keep our house.

In fertility news...received some not-so-great news today.  I had an ultrasound to check out my ovaries.  The right one looked fine, but the left one had two cysts about 8cm total.  They're not sure if these have been there for awhile or if they're the cause of the Clomid.  Also, apparently it's fairly uncommon to go four cycles of Clomid, the highest dose being 150mg, and still haven't had any signs of ovulating.  At first I just wanted to cry and I really fought it back while in the exam room.  But then a feeling of peace just passed through me.  I have been praying daily for the peace and comfort that we'd need to get through these ups and downs {mostly downs right now...} and this was just another small prayer answered.  I know now is not the right time and I have faith in that.  That's not going to stop us from trying.  My doctor referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist.  I guess that's "doctor speak" for fertility doctor.  I'm going to go, but we have already decided what our limits are.  I want to go to hopefully find out why my insides aren't operating like they should.  I just want answers. 

My mom 'shared' a link earlier today.  It was a blog that someone had written titled "Don't Go to Bed With Tomorrow."  Interesting title, right?  It was basically all about not worrying about the future.  What good comes out of constantly worrying about what's going to happen next?  You end up missing out on the great moments that fly by.  It's funny that she posted this today because it's exactly what I've been needing today.  I generally don't hold in worry, but the fertility issue has been a struggle.  But then I remember, life is a struggle.  There's no way to press a button and have a seamless and relaxing life.  The only thing we can do is make the best of it.  And that's what we're doing...in 47 days.  :)