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Thursday, September 12, 2013

My cup runeth over!

I can't put into words the emotions that I felt yesterday.  I can't put into words how blessed I've been feeling lately.  But I can try.  Ü

We've been dealing with infertility for a year.  A little over a year ago we decided to try to expand our little family.  It has been a roller coaster of emotions.  None really that great.  I really hit bottom in February.  I have really been wanting this and as a woman, when your body doesn't work the way God intended, it's heart breaking.  But we got through it.  I have to give most of the credit {or all of it!} to my wonderful husband who was beside me the entire time.  He even called in one day from work because I just didn't want to be alone. 

After February, I made a conscious decision to just accept it.  I would accept all that was going on.  The good and most importantly the bad.  I knew I couldn't do it alone.  So as I sat in the temple one day, pouring out to my heart to Heavenly Father for the comfort I needed, I felt such a calm and loving peace surround me.  It's so hard to put into words if it's something that you've never felt, but it was all I needed to keep my head held high.  And then I realized something so important.  I am a woman.  I should be able to conceive and birth a child like Heavenly Father intended to.  But I was missing something so crucial.  He made me.  He constructed my body and my life.  He put me on this path for a reason.  There is a reason why we haven't been able to get pregnant yet.  I may not know what it is and I may not understand it, but there IS a reason.  It's His reason.

Now as I look back over the last few months, I can't believe how blessed I have been.  Our shortcomings are still there.  We are still having fertility problems, but it has made me grow so much and appreciate the privilege of being a mother so much more.  I look up to all of my wonderful friends.  I so admire my mother and all that she has done and will do for her children.  In the last handful of months I have spent so much wonderful time with Michael that I know will be difficult to have when there have kids running around at our feet. 

Most importantly, I have been able to prepare myself to become a temple worker.  This has been almost two years in the making and I can't believe I have the divine privilege to be there and to serve in the House of the Lord.  To be able to serve those that are coming either for guidance or just to be able to serve their ancestors.  I will be working with some incredible friends who I have admired and looked up to. 

In life's shortcomings, Heavenly Father will always provide.  I really feel this is the reason why we aren't supposed to be parents yet.  So I can devote some much needed time to serving Heavenly Father and explore my deepest, righteous desires.  I am so blessed.  I can't say it enough.  I am so incredibly happy in my life right now.  And I know I have Him to thank for every bit of it.

***If you would like to read more about what Mormon temples are used for, you can read a little bit about it here.  If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.  I will be more than happy to try to explain and if I can't, I will find someone who can.  Ü ***

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