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Saturday, December 21, 2013

"Thou art not yet as Job..." {D&C 121:10}

 D&C 121:7 - My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment.

This week I found myself longing for the days to end and for Saturday to come. Truth be told, everything felt like it was crashing down on me. I was in an incredibly dark place that I did not see the end of. In no way am I comparing myself to the struggles that Joseph Smith had, but I found myself turning to this scripture in Doctrine and Covenants often. I am often asked how I can take all the infertility so well, but in all honesty, I don't take it well at all. So much so I have been having reoccurring dreams that have rocked me to my core. I was in such a personal hell the last few days that I wound up bursting into tears in my car and nothing could make it stop and as I laid in bed wanting to just crawl into a ball and let the world disappear, I could feel the hands of Satan grasping at every limb trying to pull me farther and farther down. 

Relief came when I finished crying, prayed, and talked to Michael. My fears are still there on some level, but I can't let them completely ruin the amazing things we have planned. I can't let them diminish our dreams for a child of our own. Satan cannot win this one. 

There's something so amazing about the Gospel. With the sealing power on the Earth, we believe that any family that is sealed in the temple is treated as they are of blood. This means that even by adoption, to Heavenly Father, that child was born to us. This brings me such immense joy and hope. I know that this is such an amazing and true Gospel. And I am so blessed to know all of these things. I'm also so blessed to be able to spend my Saturday morning learning so many more principles. My Heavenly Father loves me and He will not let our prayers go unanswered. I will always have bad days, for without sorrow we cannot know joy. I just have to remember that. 



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